


Twice The Cuddles For Half The Price

by AsagiStilinski



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: "Cups" from Pitch Perfect is mentioned too often, Alive Laura Hale, Alternate Universe, Fluff, Humor, Laura is both awesome and terrible as a sister, M/M, Magic!Stiles, Spark Stiles, Tumblr Prompt, Werewolves are still a thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-23
Updated: 2015-07-23
Packaged: 2018-04-10 21:31:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4408547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AsagiStilinski/pseuds/AsagiStilinski
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>No time for a puppy AND a boyfreind?</em>
  <br/>
  <em>You're in luck!</em>
  <br/>
  <em>Now available FREE OF CHARGE, one dog/boyfreind combo!</em>
  <br/>
  <em>AKA Your common werewolf</em>
  <br/>
  <em>Skills include cuddling, barking at intruders, and being able to</em>
  <br/>
  <em>perform the entire "Cups" song from Pitch Perfect! </em>
  <br/>
  <em>For more information and/or to fill out an application</em>
  <br/>
  <em>Please contact Laura Hale at lauralovesroses@yahoo.com</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Surely, he figured, this must be a prank</p><p>Or:</p><p>The one where Laura tries to get Derek a date through a poorly worded ad and Stiles calls to sign up thinking it was a prank from Scott</p>
            </blockquote>





	Twice The Cuddles For Half The Price

**Author's Note:**

> **UNBETA'D, HTML formatting being fixed!**
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> This Tumblr prompt called to me http://pale-silver-comb.tumblr.com/post/124348329037/bibliosexualll-schmergo-if-you-dont-have
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> And now I just had to do it, it didn't turn out quite the way I had hoped but it still works better than I thought it would so *confetti*

_**FREE PUPPIES!!*** _

_Adoption day is this Saturday at the Beacon Hills Animal Clinic!_  
_Come adopt a puppy from one of our recent litters_  
_*Health fee may apply for vaccines, spaying/neutering, medication etc_  
_For more information, please contact us at 770-678-4049_  
_Or stop by Saturday and check us out, hope to see you there!_

__________________________________________________________

_No time for a puppy AND a boyfreind?_  
_You're in luck!_  
_Now available FREE OF CHARGE, one dog/boyfreind combo!_  
_AKA Your common werewolf_  
_Skills include cuddling, barking at intruders, and being able to_  
_perform the entire "Cups" song from Pitch Perfect!_  
_For more information and/or to fill out an application_  
_Please contact Laura Hale at lauralovesroses@yahoo.com_

 

Surely, he figured, this must be a prank from the animal shelter

It couldn't just be a coincidence that this "ad" was right under the one for free puppies from the vet

And his best buddy happened to have been in charge of that advertisement for the vet anyway

No question really, this had "Scott McCall prank" written all over it (or maybe Scott's girlfreind all things considered)

Who would ACTUALLY do that?

And besides werewolves were still a secret for like 70% of society!

But he decided to have a little fun with it anyway and sent an inquiry email to the provided address

_Hi Laura!_

_I'm interested in your werewolf, my name is Stiles, I'm 21 and my apartment doesn't allow pets :(_

_Sadly single also, I blame my wingman Scott for taking all of my potential dates_

_What do I have to do to get an application? Can you send me some more info on the werewolf I'm looking into? Likes, dislikes, what to feed him and if there are any warnings?_

_Thanks so much!_

_Your freind,_

_Stiles Stilinski_

 

He pressed send and leaned back, laughing to himself and wondering what kind of crazy response he would get- still likely from Scott- or if he would get one at all

Surprisingly only half an hour later he had an email sitting there from lauralovesroses

 

_Hi Stiles, thanks for your inquiry!_

_Sorry to hear about your apartment and your wingman, I think a werewolf is the perfect solution for you :)_

_I attached the application to the email so just fill it and send it back, as for more info:_

_-Likes: Reading, music, warm sweaters and hot drinks, animals, children, nerdy things like comic books and a nearly unhealthy obsession with The Walking Dead_

_-Dislikes: People (mostly) and social events, loud noises, travel, electronics that have been developed in the last ten years, depressing movies, being alone_

_-What to feed him: He's not all that hard to please but he's a little bit of a health nut, you'll have better luck with a bowl of fruit than you will a bowl of chips_

_-Warnings: Prone to bouts of anxiety and depression, somewhat touch-starved, trust issues, too sassy for his own good, likes to scent people, will read until ungodly hours of the morning and/or binge-watch something until ungodly hours of the morning, not a morning person, seems to have a chronic phobia of acting like a reasonably young person instead of an old cat lady_

_Let me know if you have any other questions! Send the app back at your convenience and I'd love a picture of you too but that isn't mandatory, I just want to see if Derek is interested in you_

_Thanks a bunch!_

_-Laura_

 

Well that was....... elaborate......

By the time he got to the application he was sure of something

This was not a Scott McCall prank

This COULD be an Allison Argent prank but he was staring to sort of doubt that too

But it'd be embarrassing to come back at her and say "Sorry I didn't really mean to imply I wanted to date a random werewolf named Derek I thought you were my buddy playing a joke on me" so.... 

The application was an adventure and a half, that was for sure

Whoever this Laura was she was certainly thorough

 

**Name:** _Stiles Stilinski_  
**Date of birth:** _April 8th 1994 (Aries :D)_  
**What's the difference in appearance between Alphas, Betas, and Omegas?** _Firstly, total respect for you checking to make sure I'm actually in the know- Alpha eyes are red, Betas are yellow (or blue but only if they killed someone innocent) and Omega eyes are still yellow I think? Maybe closer to orange?_  
**Why are you interested in dating my brother?** _Well I just found out he's your brother buuuut... I'm a Spark so dating someone else in the know is sort of a must, but I don't really have time to meet people and stuff because I'm a paramedic and my schedule is really out there and hard to follow, but he sounds like a cool guy too_  
**Are you in a pack?** _Yep_  
**Sexuality?** _Bi_  
**How are you with commitment?** _Good? I want to get married and have kids some day? I'm a little worried this is a trick question tbh_  
**Do you mind being totally and completely marked by a werewolf who likes to cuddle and scent people?** _It sounds like my DREAM :D_

It went on much longer than that and included gems such as

**Will you appreciate Derek's weird little talents?** _If you're referring even a little bit to being able to play "Cups" I think that is the coolest, I can't do that and I love "Cups"!!_

And

**Marvel or DC?** _MARVEL!!!!_

Also

**How do you take your hot chocolate?** _With milk and wipped cream, maybe chocolate shavings, yum!_

And ofcourse his personal favorite

**Do you consider yourself to be good in bed?** _I really don't want to answer this one because either I say yes and sound like an arrogant jerk or I say no and sound like I'm a bad lay what do I do??_

 

It took two hours to fill out and by the time it was done Stiles wasn't really sure what to do with it

He should send it...

But it was also definately weird and he felt more than just a little awkward sending it

He should have honestly been much more surprised when he got a return application in response a few hours later

**Name:** _Derek Hale_  
**Date of birth:** _December 25th 1989 (Capricorn and a Christmas baby!)_  
**Are you in a pack?** _Yes, although it's very small_  
**Sexuality?** _Bi_  
**How are you with commitment?** _Not a trick question, Derek is a very family-centered person and he's one of those "I could have kids tommorrow and be 100% good with it" types of people_

**Will you appreciate Derek's weird little talents?** _Omg you like Pitch Perfect that's awesome, this isn't actually on the application but I'm curious, do you really like acapella???_

**DC or Marvel?** _Good answer_

**How do you take your hot chocolate?** _Never tried it with chocolate shavings before but he'd probbably like that!_

**Do you consider yourself to be good in bed?** _I'm not answering this for my brother because that's just weird but I don't think you have anything to worry about ;)_

After two more exchanges (including a video of a Fennec Fox eating cheetohs and asking if Laura had ever heard of Nick Pitera) Stiles was 100% certain that this was not at all a prank 

And 100% certain that Laura was awesome 

And about 80% certain that he really really wanted to meet this "Derek" guy 

_He wasn't really sure how to handle it actually_

_Stiles I'm very tempted to steal you for myself but I have a boyfreind already sadly D:_

And so ofcourse it was around this time that Stiles just had to ask the obvious question... 

_Why exactly did you put a personal ad in the papper advertising your brother? Why exactly are you filling out his app and stuff? I'm just very curious before we set up a meeting, this is already really weird but I don't want it to get any weirder and I feel like it possibly will_

It was a perfectly reasonable question and Laura seemed inclined to agree 

_Derek is painfully shy, he isn't the most social person on the planet but he's a werewolf, he needs people, and I just recently got engaged and I know if I let him live on his own without anyone he'll just neglect himself like crazy, he's not exactly self-sustaining, kind of like a hamster that way, I just... I worry about him you know? I want him to be happy, to have someone, but he's had some incidents in the past and that doesn't seem like something that's just going to happen all on it's own, I don't think Derek would let it, so I'm helping like any good sister would, I may have been a little impulsive with the ad but honestly it didn't sound as weird in my head as it did on the page, sorry about that_

With that questioned answered, Stiles agreed to meet Derek at the adoption event going on Saturday- he didn't ask _why_ Laura insisted on doing it then but she had said something about Derek "already being there" and how it would be "most convenient" so he didn't think too much on it 

After all, a werewolf and puppies? 

What could go wrong right? 

Incidentally.... alot.... 

When he explains the situation to Scott the werewolf is far less than pleased 

He isn't sure what exactly was offending Scott more 

The fact that he was meeting someone he had only a picture of (and Stiles couldn't even be sure if that was really him or not, as Scott pointed out, this could all be a scam) and who he had never spoken to... 

Or the fact that he was doing it at Scott's Adoption Day 

The Adoption Day that Scott and his boss had been working tirelessly to set up for the last month that they'd been taking care of an abandoned litter of puppies like something out of a Disney movie 

He was slightly more willing to bet on the latter to be completely honest, he had SEEN Scott with those puppies, he was _bottle feeding one of them_

Admittedly, if he was in Scott's position, he'd be a little chapped about it too 

"Stiles?" 

Upon hearing his name he turned around and smiled brightly 

Looks like the photo was real 

And if Stiles thought the guy was attractive in the photo (and wow- like supermodel levels of attractiveness here) 

He was ten times better in real life where Stiles could actually see all of the different colors of green in his eyes and the way his lips moved 

"Y-Yeah," he squeaked 

The guy stepped forward, arms crossed and looking cornered and anxious 

"I'm Derek," 

"Yeah I... sorta guessed that, you ok?" he asked worriedly 

"Not really, I didn't even know Laura had placed that article until yesterday when she told me I was supposed to meet you, now I'm here and instead of getting a dog I'm being forced into meeting a stranger for a date," 

Stiles' entire world sort of caved in at that because wow... 

He... hadn't expected that at all.... 

"Dude I thought you knew," he blurted out 

Derek sighed and shook his head 

"Do you really think I would have consented to being advertised as a boyfreind/dog value pack?" 

Ok, good point... 

"Oh my God... I am SO sorry... um look don't.. worry about this ok? If you want to just-" 

"I promised I'd go through with it and I don't break my promises," he mumbled, although it sounded like that promise had been made under distress of some sort 

There was a short pause 

"Why'd you promise?" 

Derek twitched, looking even more nervous all of a sudden as he looked at the ground and rubbed the back of his neck 

"Laura may have bribed me..." he mumbled 

Stiles grinned 

"With what? Something from The Walking Dead?" 

Derek jerked his head up and glared, wich only made Stiles laugh a little 

"Oh man don't worry about it! Do you know how many times in my life Scott has had to bribe me into something with X-Men stuff?" 

"X-Men huh? I sort of pegged you for more of an Avengers fan," 

Stiles grinned 

"Don't get me wrong, I like them too, I just have a little more preference for X-Men, want to talk about that ... maybe over lunch?" he asked with a small smile 

Derek smiled softly back at him and nodded 

"Sure, but... do you mind it being at my place? Or rain checking? I actually did come here planning to get a dog, I'd prefer not to give that up just because of a bribe-date," 

Before Stiles could even answer him Scott had emerged out of no where with a grin on his face that could replicate the sun 

"Ofcourse he doesn't mind!! Come on, I'll show you the puppies!" he said eagerly 

Derek was panic stricken for a breif moment before awkwardly following behind the other werewolf 

"So I guess I'm coming over," Stiles snickered, trailing behind the two of them 

"Guess so," Derek mumbled back 

"Hey don't look so nervous, I'm a pretty cool and you're definitely going to miss me when I'm gone," he said with a wink 

Derek's upper lip twitched slightly 

"Oh really? I bet I'm going to miss you everywhere," 

Stiles gave a slight laugh and nodded, smiling in surprise when Derek cautiously took his hand and they walked to look at the puppies together 

"Guess the only solution is for you to keep me then huh?" 

"Are you trying to tell me that I'm going to walk out of here with _two_ pets?" 

"I'm not the one who was advertised as being half-boyfreind, half-dog," he grinned 

If the look on his face said anything, Stiles had a feeling Derek had already had a very long talk with Laura about how horrible that was (and as he would come to find out Laura 100% laughed about it) 

The ad been right though 

Despite not having gotten the chance to test the "barks at intruders theory", Derek was VERY skilled at cuddling 

(And he could totally play "Cups"!) 


End file.
